TESTIMONY READ AT MY BAPTISM. APRIL 10^th, 2011

I grew up in a small catholic village tucked into the Italian Alps. As a child I was very excited about my religion. I passed my middle school years in a catholic convent. My education was good, I guess, but I remember thinking a lot about the way the nons spent their life and I couldn't see anything appealing. I thought to myself that if being in love with Jesus Christ means to lead an isolated life, I rather just treat Jesus as an aquaintance. From then on, all the way through my teens, my twenties and my early thirties I knew about God and Jesus, but I didn't know what to do with that knowledge. I believed that it is up to me of how much I can be involved in a spiritual relationship with God. I thought that I am in charge and that I could give as little or as much of me as I wanted, depending on the day and my needs.

While I moved further and further away from a spiritual life, my brother turned to the Lord and officially left the catholic church. Initially I thought he was weird but I quickly noticed the change in him. I saw a level of strength, peace and happiness that I didn't see in him before. It became clear to me that my brother's faith made him an all over better man.

Over the years my brother, his wife and I had many conversations about my faith. By then I moved to New York. The choice of churches is vast and I was defenitely interested in finding one for me and Steve... something we belong to, a nice community, a good message every Sunday, any denomination, nothing too heavy. There where moments I was interested in learning more about God, to get a deeper understanding, but I was scared to open the Bible. I didn't want to fully commit. I thought it was too much work and that it might expect things from me that I don't like or don't agree with.

Then, a year and 8 months ago I got diagnosed with Endometrial cancer. I had surgery, needed Chemo and Radiation. It was hard to go through treatments but it was even harder to be done with them. I needed to trust that the doctors had given me everything I needed for the cancer not to come back. Every day I got a little bit more scared. Every day I got a little bit more sad. Every day I noticed that it got a little bit harder for Steve and myself to deal with the consequences of my diagnosis.You see, it's hard to stay positve in life when you have to rely on medicine alone. Even though I knew that I got the best possible care it is hard to stay convinced all the time. You crack and bend. So, even though I always, all my life, had a strong, postive nature, my cancer made me realize that I am mortal and that what happens in the next minute is uncertain. A lot more suffering, a lot more pain and death could be very close. The uncertainty was unbelievably scary. Fear grew like weed inside me. I wished on shooting stars, loose eye lashes and cried a lot. I felt alone and didn't feel strong enough to deal with the days ahead of me. Then, my dear sister in law told me, "don't wish, ask!" I told her that God already gave me a second chance in life, I couldn't ask for more. I would have felt too greedy and not thankful for what He has done for me so far. She insisted for me to ask. So, very intimidated and ashamed, I talked to God and asked for help. A few days later I had a follow up appointment with my radiation oncologyst. As usual, I was very nervous days before the visit. You never know what they'll find! After she examined me she said with a lot of heart and conviction, "Everything looks great! Go out and enjoy YOUR life!" What a moment! I started smiling inside and out. God talked to me through her. He made me realize that I can do this. I can be a cancer surivor without fear of another diagnosis because He is with me. He will give me, every day, an incredible amount of strength and hope to carry on with my life. My fear left. I felt a huge, heavy weight was taken off my shoulder. I realized that God's love for me is immense and eternal and that he will never leave me. This feeling was so meaningful and life changing that I WANTED to read about God and understand him. I started reading books about Christianity and searching for the truth. I learned that I, after all these years far away from my father and filled with sins, can get God's Grace and become His child. I finally truly understood that God's love for me always has been so deep that He sent His son to die on the cross for my sins. I have not been the same ever since. I layed my sins down, I asked for forgiveness and through that I became God's child. From that moment on I feel His presene in me. My hunger for God's word is growning every day. I want to learn all about my Father and His son my Lord and Savior. I want to be the Light of the world and the Salt of the earth. I want people to know what God has done for me, to see it and feel it and I want for THEM to get it. As it is written in John 17, verse 3: Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.